The Bro-Babe Burden

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Bro-Babe: Noun. raw, honest, beer-cracking, videogame playing “hottie”. The girl next door meets one of the boys.

The illustrious bro-babe has been the object of desire almost since the beginning of nerdiness and the bromance. She is the girl that majority of guys claim to be looking for. The best friend, the lover, the everything.

Now let me take this minute to call bullshit on the bro-babe illusion. I’m not claiming that the Bro-Babe is some mythical creature that will never surface in the real world. I am a self-proclaimed bro-babe after all, and have many of “my kind” in my life. We are very real, and fit many of the criteria to be classified as a “BB”. The illusion isn’t in the existence, but in the expectations.

When you explain the idea of a Bro-Babe to many guys, a general picture pops in their head: some alternative babe with some type of body modification who can hold her own with movie trivia and video games. She has a favorite beer and can make a mean burger. She’s a hot wingman … basically their best guy friend with tits. Some of us do fit this description, some of us aren’t. This isn’t really a hard “type” to find these days. There are plenty of bombass chicks around who can fulfill the bro-babe title. However, when it comes time for the bro-babe to move beyond the bro-zone…well, that’s when shit gets real.

I have been one of the guys since the day before forever and have had countless encounters with the Bro-Babe Burden. To help illustrate my point, I shall explain the dynamic with a little scenario. Suzie Q over there is a bro-babe in full bloom: total cutie, gamer, music and movie aficionado, cooks a mean medium steak, enjoys a good 311 Coal Harbour brew, and plays a good bro at the bar when her guys need the hookup with the hottie beside her. Ricky B is your average guy. He just wants a girl who can be supportive and awesome in every way. He tells Suzie Q all that her wants in a girl and asks her to help get the girl beside her at the bar to talk to him. Being the bro-babe that she is, Suzie obliges, giving Ricky his next hookup and the two leave together while Suzie cabs home alone thinking “what the actual fuck?”

Let me clarify that this isn’t a “men don’t know what they want” rant in disguise. Suzie, like many bro-babes, is just facing a very real problem for the bro-babe collective. The general idea that this kind of girl is a guy magnet and gets all the good guys is the illusion that needs to be addressed. Yes, this girl is surrounded by the cool guys at the bar, but that’s because they’re all there for Joe blow’s birthday and it’s her turn to buy drinks. The Bro-Babe position isn’t one to be envied. It is a burden, at least in terms of relationships. She is friend-zoned by all of her eligible bachelor friends, unless it’s just a random hookup. On looking gentlemen will not approach her because she is surrounded by the competition. She constantly hears from her friends about how all they want is a girl like her, yet none of her friends will date her because she’s just “one of the guys”. How is a girl supposed to break out of this vicious cycle? The world may never know.

Moral of the story: being a bro-babe is a struggle. Yes, we have fun and we enjoy the company of our male partners-in crime, but we are not the regularly dated maneaters that many people think us to be. Just like Ricky B, when looking for relationships, we too just want someone who is going to be supportive and awesome in every way. Does that mean that we should separate from our dude dynamics in order to find a partner? Are we all just looking for love in all the wrong places? Who really knows? All I know is that we won’t be waiting around for the men in our lives to have some romantic comedy styled epiphany and stand at our door in the rain professing their undying love. I propose we all just gather together at a local watering hole, grab a few pints, and just live for the time being.

Words by Teniel Messado

Editor Lucas Tait